A Survivor’s Guide to Indonesian Motorcycle Driving*

As I looked on in horror, two motorbikes collided.

The sound was both sickening and altogether vivid- something between the blast of a 12-gauge shotgun and several dozen drunk men bashing empty beer cans on their foreheads simultaneously. Fortunately, I was on neither motorbike. Quite unfortunately, my site mate Mitch was. My first thought to register between his broad frame flying through the air and it landing on asphalt was something like, “Dear God, Mitch is dead. Why? And does he even have life insurance?” Thankfully, apart from some cuts and deep abrasions, he was very far from dead (not even mostly dead for you Princess Bride nerds) and after clearing the road and an hour of talks with the other driver’s father and the community leader, we settled on a price (200,000Rp. which is about $16), and got our lily-white butts out of there.

I tell that story for two reasons. The first is because Mitch assures me constantly (a little snootily even) that he reads no one’s blog, including mine. So I can tell the story. If he does actually, well now we have an interesting ethical dilemma, don’t we? The second is because it illustrates a topic I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. How does one survive driving motorcycle in a country whose motorcycle accident fatality rate is so high that it makes the news. Having driven in multiple countries (including Bangkok, Thailand. Still can’t believe I lived through that) and speaking as a survivor, I thought I’d share some tips for those considering the two-wheeled approach to Indonesian jalan-jalan.

1. Learn how to drive motorcycle before you arrive. I know, it sounds like a given. Though there is something incredibly tempting about the omnipresent automatic scooter/motorbike that offers transportation with seemingly little beforehand experience. But trust me, you need it. Judging from the fact that in Bali alone, of the 3 deaths and 150 motorcycle accidents a day, an alarming amount of them are foreigners, you really shouldn’t be getting on the road unless you know what you’re doing.

2. Wear a helmet (always!) and riding jacket (always too but sometimes I cheat). Imagine your job is to be shot from a cannon and hurled onto the ground, but you chose to wear a helmet only occasionally. That’s the best equivalent I could come up with. Always wear a helmet. Even when it’s the hot season and the inside of it smells like that pair of underwear you wore for a week straight while camping. Also, buy a riding jacket made of durable but breathable material and wear that too. Nobody wants road rash.

3. Don’t assume red means stop. We’ve all heard the old cliche, “Green means go and red means go faster,” but actually around here, it’s not a cliche. It’s a state I like to describe as reality. Can’t even count the number of times I passed through a green light only to have a motorbike (Not to profile, but to profile: young Indonesian male, 15-22 years old) zoom past me with inches to spare. I don’t even angrily honk at them anymore.

4. Stay away from the middle or center of the road. The middle is obvious. Indonesia is the king of over-taking and the middle basically serves as a third lane. Don’t sit in it. The edge is more surprising but I’ll give you two reasons: first, potholes large enough to engulf your entire front tire usually start on the road’s edge. Second, there seems to be a long-held Indonesian tradition to pull out onto the road without looking at oncoming traffic. No doubt something to do with proving bravery.

5. Spend less time on your rear view and more time looking in front of you. When I first arrived here, I started to have a sneaking suspicion based on the hairline maneuvering directly in front of me that drivers rarely used their rear view mirrors. I asked an Indonesian friend about it, who promptly assured me, “No, no, we always use our rear view mirrors!” I was less convinced when I noticed many motorbikes had their mirrors dangling at odd angles, and some had none at all. The reality is everyone drives generally face forward, watching the slightest movements of the vehicle in front of them and expecting the riders behind them to do the same. I’m not saying don’t use your rear view. I’m just letting you know that from what I can tell, most people around you don’t and are far more focused on what’s in front of them.

6. Always expect the darnedest things to happen. I remember first driving here and thinking, “No way is that car up ahead going to pull out in front of…oh!…oh wait..” or “Wouldn’t that be crazy if that kid ran into the street without look….hey!” Eventually, what I began to notice was a pattern. A pattern of sporadic, unexplainable movements. What I began to do while driving was to anticipate anything to happen- that whisker-faced guy might make a random U-turn, or that heavy-set woman with a load of chickens on the backseat might suddenly stop. Sometimes- not always- it proved correct. And saved the lives of a dozen strung-out hens.

7. Don’t assume a turning signal means turning or that no turning signal means not turning. Initially, I began noticing that entire groups of drivers would drive with the turning signals still blinking. It felt like Florida all over again. I would try to do the polite thing, drive up to them and motion that their turning signal was still on. They would usually smile, nod and keep driving. Possibly they didn’t understand what I was getting at. Or possibly they just didn’t care (probably a little of both). Either way, don’t ever trust a turning signal when in fact they are used (not common).

8. If you get in an accident, pay and get out of there. It doesn’t even really matter whose fault it is. If you’re reading this, you’re probably a foreigner. Thus, it will be considered you’re privilege to pay. Don’t exchange insurance numbers because most likely, there are none. And frankly, unless it’s serious don’t get the police involved. Most likely you don’t have a license anyways and forgot to pick up an international ID before you left, thus illegal. Also, there’s no assurance they won’t expect money too. Learn this word: berapa (how much?). And get your (potentially- I’m trying to keep this inclusive) lily- white butt outta there.

*For legal purposes, I neither encourage nor condone any future Fulbright scholars from owning, riding, much less staring at a motorcycle while on assignment. Unless it’s a Honda CBR 250, of course.